Why You Freak out
And what to do about it.
You want desperately to make a good impression. To have an impact. To close the deal. But more often than not, in these high-stakes moments you shut down. Or forget words. Or lose your breath. It’s awful. You want to express your ideas, articulate your approach and demonstrate just how capable and competent you are. And instead, you are a shaky puddle of nerves and sweat stains.
No? Just me?
That’s cool.
Public speaking is often cited as the number one fear in the Western world. Above death. Yes, really. There’s a joke—often attributed to Jerry Seinfeld—that at a funeral, most people would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy. It’s funny because it’s true for many.
In my work as a public speaking and confidence coach, this fear shows up wrapped in different language:
saying no to opportunities, diminished impact and imposter syndrome.
And I see it especially in women who are ready to grow professionally—but feel blocked when it comes to being seen, heard, and taken seriously.
So let’s talk about what’s actually going on. Because this isn’t a personality flaw.
It’s a nervous system that needs you to attend to it.
Your Brain on Public Speaking
The “wizard brain” vs. the “lizard brain”
Let’s say your prefrontal Cortex is your “wizard brain” - thinking, planning, articulating, making meaning, regulating emotion. Which, naturally makes your Amygdala the “lizard brain” - scanning for danger, sensing threat, keeping you alive. When you’re preparing for a presentation, your wizard brain is doing its job organizing ideas, crafting your message, trying to show up well.
But the moment you step into visibility?
Your lizard brain takes the wheel.
Why the Amygdala overreacts
The amygdala is your brain’s threat detector. Its job is simple:
keep you alive at all costs.
It works with the hypothalamus and the sympathetic nervous system to activate your stress response—often called fight, flight, or freeze.
That triggers a cascade through the body:
Heart rate increases
Breathing changes
Pupils dilate
Muscles tense
Adrenaline floods your system
This all happens fast—before your thinking brain can step in. It is unconscious. You cannot turn this response off - but with a bit of mindfulness, awareness and intentional action, you can absolutely greatly reduce the amount of activation - sometimes called dysregulation - or FEAR - in your body.
Your nervous system evolved to respond to actual, life-threatening danger. Think: being chased by a predator.
It did not evolve to distinguish between a bear in woods and your boss in the boardroom - although your boss may very well be worse! And Dear God, please don’t let ‘em see me sweat!
So to your body, they can feel the same.
Why Public Speaking Feels Like a Threat
It’s not random. Public speaking hits a few very specific biological triggers:
1. You’re singled out
You are literally separated from the group and placed under observation.
From an evolutionary perspective, that’s dangerous.
Belonging = survival.
Isolation = risk.
Connection = safety.
2. You’re being evaluated
Even if no one says a word, your system reads the room as:
“Am I being judged? Am I about to be rejected?”
And historically, social rejection could mean loss of safety, resources, or protection.
3. You may have past imprinting
If you’ve ever had:
a negative classroom experience
criticism when speaking up
embarrassment in front of others
Your nervous system remembers.
Not as a story—but as a felt sense of threat.
So now, when you get up to speak, your amygdala goes into overdrive - sourcing previous experiences and implicit (emotional) memory and finds a flag. A red flag that says THREAT! And so, your system is down the runway and taking off to Scary Space before you can say “Can I have some water, please.”
Why You Can’t “Just Think Your Way Out of It”
Most traditional advice focuses on mindset:
“Just be confident.”
“Tell yourself you’re safe.”
Ever try to tell someone to calm down? You know what they don’t do - calm down.
It’s sort of the same idea. If we could be calm, cool, collected, WE WOULD! But the lizard brain is IN CONTROL. By the time you’re anxious, your nervous system is already activated. So trying to override a biological response with logic alone? It’s like trying to calm a fire alarm by explaining to the alarm that there’s no fire. We need to work with the body, not against it.
Working with my nervous system!
Improv is a great way to work with your nervous system!
I took (yet another 101) Impov Class when I arrived in Greenville SC in 2024.
Tools to Work With Your Nervous System.
The goal isn’t to get rid of the response. The goal is to retrain your system to interpret the moment differently.
Here are a few ways to start:
1. Hand on heart
Place your hand gently on your chest.
This isn’t just comforting—it’s signaling safety through the vagus nerve.
You’re telling your body:
“I’m here. I’ve got you.”
2. Name what’s happening (without judgment)
Instead of spiraling into the story, name the sensations you are feeling - out loud is great, but silently acknowledging them is powerful too:
“My heart is racing.”
“My hands feel cold.”
“There’s tightness in my chest.”
This works for a couple of different reasons -it brings awareness to the body, it interrupts anxious thoughts, and it lets your nervous system know you are clued into what’s going on and you are in control.
3. Look for actual safety
Slowly look around the room.
Let your eyes land on neutral or friendly faces, objects, exits.
You’re giving your nervous system updated data:
“There is no bear here.”
4. Bilateral stimulation
Simple, rhythmic tapping (left/right, left/right) can help regulate the nervous system. The techinque, which comes out of EMDR (Eye movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) trauma Therapy works by synching both hemispheres of the brain - as well as the Wizard brain and Lizard brain to help them process information, events and experiences without the emotional load.
It’s a way of grounding your body and reducing intensity.
5. Reframe the sensation
That surge of adrenaline?
It’s not the enemy.
It’s activation.
With practice, you can begin to experience it simply as energy—even excitement.
This Isn’t About Fixing Yourself
It’s about understanding your wiring If you struggle with public speaking, it doesn’t mean you’re not confident.
It doesn’t mean you’re not capable. It means your nervous system is doing its job - with outdated information. And the good news?
That system is trainable.
